When looking to understand grieving, you will probably find much discussion about emotions and coping mechanisms. The emotions one experiences are commonly characterized with outward actions, such as crying.
However, what if everyone around you is showing outward signs of grief whereas you are not? You may feel guilty when everyone is crying while you are not. Before you put undeserved guilt on yourself think about the following:
1) tHE SITUATION
If the loss of a loved one was a surprise, it can be difficult to sort through all different emotions. You may find yourself angry about the loss but also sad. Also, grieving with others can have an effect on displaying emotions. For example, people may be focused on being strong for others who are grieving.
Furthermore, there may have been health problems that the loved one was experiencing. If the loved one was experiencing pain, it is common to find some relief that they are no longer suffering.
2) the personal grieving process
One thing you have probably heard most about grief is everyone deals with it differently. Therefore, not everyone will deal with it by crying or getting angry. There are many reasons why people do not express feelings openly. They may not feel comfortable sharing emotion, may internalize it or be experiencing denial.
You may not express your sadness through crying for a few days or possibly even longer. This is common especially if you are slowly taking in the reality of the situation.
3) Your inner emotions
Those grieving around you understand that lack of outward emotion does not mean lack of sadness. Take some time to think about your relationship with the loved one. Think about the good times you can reflect on when you are sad. You know that you care about them and will miss them. While you may not be expressing these emotions by crying or anger, you know how you feel. Being able to acknowledge how you feel even if you can’t express it can lead to inner peace.
It is more important that you know how you feel on the inside than anything else. Undeserved guilt will make the grieving process worse. Think about how these factors play a part to decrease feelings of guilt.