Relationship Reflection

Relationship ReflectionIt can be difficult to handle all of emotions after a break up or divorce.  You are at the end of a chapter that didn’t go as expected. Often this leads to feelings of missing sharing one’s life with another and fun experiences.

While this life chapter has come to an end, the next chapter in your life is just beginning. Make this next chapter the best that you can. There are several questions to ask yourself which can improve the next chapter of your life.

What did you gain from the relationship?

This is probably the toughest question to ask yourself.  It can be challenging as it is the last thing anyone wants to think about after a relationship ends. However, part of moving on is accepting the past and seeing it as part of your life story.

After the loss, you may feel time was wasted as the relationship didn’t last. This can lead to feelings of sadness and anger. One of the most frustrating feelings is knowing you have lost time. Use this time to not focus on what you have lost, but focus on what you have gained. This could include wonderful children, you learned more about a topic or became more adventurous.

What can you learn from the relationship?

Reflection is an expected part of the grieving process. Often people wonder, “What went wrong?” However, looking at the situation from this perspective often leads to negative thoughts about the other person or ourselves.

It is important to phrase this question in a positive way, such as “What would I change?”  You cannot change how people react, but you can change your actions or reactions. Life is about  growth, so use this step as a way to create a better version of yourself. By doing so, you may be able to handle similar future problems with a clearer mind.

For example, do you need to work on feelings of jealousy or anger? Could you improve your listening skills or ability to negotiate? Do you accept blame or blame others when negative things occur?

Where are you headed now?

Often when in a relationship we are focused on the other person, such as their emotional needs. After reflection, you may find the relationship wasn’t satisfying your own needs. You may decide personalities clashed. Therefore, you are now looking for someone more confident or goal-oriented, for example. You may have had traits that changed as a result of the relationship and your goals are different now.

Similarly, it is normal to feel as you have to take time alone to reflect on these matters. It is important to not need to rely on others at all times to be happy. Use this step to focus on feeling more at one with yourself and needs.

There are many things in life to look forward to even after a break up or divorce.  The concepts above are just a few ways to reflect on the past and find happiness again.